The Sacrifice of Elizabeth the First

Well, I did it. I struggled with the detail in this painting, although to some, it may not be much detail at all... but for me, it was tuff. Especially in the oils. I look at it sometimes, and like it, and other times, I see nothing but all the mistakes. Oh well, the nature of the beast???

My next 2 paintings will be quite different. I want to do a painting of the Armenian genocide of 1915. I am a bit worried about that painting too, as it has landscape in it, and I am not confident at all when it comes to painting land. The other painting will be a normal for me. I want to call it Bird of Prey. It will be about a woman who devours men. Got the idea from a "friend" of mine, who has in insatiable appetite for mens attention!! Geeze, hope she dosent find this and read it... haha. Although, she will never think I could be talking about her....

Anyway, I have a show tomorrow nite, and a gallery opening this coming Sunday. I may knock out a small painting today to take to the show tomorrow nite. Something silly, and inexpensive. I am tired. The Queen Elizabeth took it out of me... haha

Hope to be posting the new paintings within the next few weeks...

The Queen

I saw the movie this past week, "Elizabeth" with Kate Blanchette. I was totally taken with the film, especially its scenery, and Ms. Blanchette was quite convincing. I was left feeling quite regal and with an immense desire to paint "the Queen".

The thing that impressed me the most about Elizabeth was her willingness to throw away her personal life, including the only love of her life, and to "marry" England. She cut off her hair, applied pasty white makeup so as to appear like stone, and announced to the court (who insisted that she marry) that she was married to England. I think she was stupid, but I am still impressed. This is why she was a queen, and I never will be.

I tried to forget about this painting, as it would be quite a challenge. I dont even know if I have the ability to do such a painting. I suppose if I get in over my head, that I could modify it somewhat. All I know is that I am compelled to do it. I will put my own twists in the painting, as afterall, I am the artist... lol.

I hope to have the painting in the gallery in the next two weeks. It will take a bit of time, with all the detail that will be in it. I hope that it is successful. I look forward to trying.

The Newest Painting

This painting is called The Key. It is a painting I did, depicting the relationship between my mother and I. The child in the painting is trapped in a dysfunctional relationship with this woman. She will remained trapped until she can find the key to this womans heart... which is quite impossible, as the key is kept far from the childs view and is guarded. The woman thinks her world to be quite lovely, and complete, and has created a lush environment around herself, however, in reality, she has created a dismal surrounding, full of hurt, anger, discouragement. It is a sad painting.

The Pain of Selling a Painting

I sit here this morning, it is overcast outside. Looks like rain. I have spent the early part of this day mourning over a sold painting. Silly, eh? I have had a "rush" of paintings selling over the past few weeks, and as elated as I am, I am also confused, scared, and yes, even missing a few of them.

I am confused as to why anyone in their right mind would even want to buy my work. It is mediocre at best. I am never satisfied with it. It never turns out to be the masterpiece I see in my mind. It always falls short of the beauty I envision. So, why would anyone want to own something that never reached its full potential? I am confused.

I am scared. Scared that I will never be able to replace the work. Now isnt that an odd fear? What if I never get an idea again? What if my so called "talent" somehow abandons me? Where is my muse? How could I ever replace all of these paintings? What will people expect next? The fear is paralizing. And I am in the midst of a fearful time.

I miss my paintings. Yes, I am a bit "touched", but I do. Most of my work is born from my life experiences. It is a neverending expression of childhood pain, adult rejection, abandonment, insecurity. When one of my paintings sell, a piece of me goes with them. I wonder, sometimes, if people realize this, or if they are merely buying a weird piece of art, to hang on their wall and ultimately forget about. It really dosent matter to anyone but me. This is one of the reasons why I share a kindred spirit with Frida Kahlo. Look at her life. Look at her pain. It is all there for everyone to see, when you look into the tear stained faces she so bravely put out there. I "met" Frida on a clearance table at Barnes and Noble about 9 months ago, and was instantly smitten. She shares my studio with me. I wonder if she ever missed any of her paintings? I wonder if she mourned after watching a piece of her life walk off under someones arm? I do. Call me odd, weird, crazy, whatever, but I do.

I find this one of my strongest assets, and possibly my biggest downfall. Vulnerability. I have been told my work is disturbing, odd, macabre, meaningful, beautiful, soul touching. Depends on who is looking at it. Despite its many colorful descriptions, it is mine. It is me. It is my life experience. And when I watch someone walk off with a painting of mine under their arm, or watch the postmaster as they stamp, insure, and ready a painting for shipping, a part of me mourns... and fears.... in a state of confusion.

Where did I go?

Well, I have once again discovered something I am not very good at.... keeping a blog! I want to try harder, but I am good at being realistic... haha.

I have been really busy since I last blogged. I have done several shows, been in more galleries, and won a couple of more ribbons. (That always sounds so braggardly) Truth is, I am really excited. I also have more shows coming this year, and will always post them on my Myspace.

I opened an etsy shop. I wonder if I should have, as it is just more to do, but for only being open a week, it is holding its own. I will always try to keep reasonably priced merchandise there for the discriminating buyer... heehee. You can also find prints there from time to time that are not available on the website. Which, reminds me, I want everyone to know, should a print be desired and it is not up for sale, contact me. I can always get one.

I have tons of ideas waiting to be born on canvas. I will be beginning a new painting tomorrow. It will be about my relationship with my mother. I hope to have it posted in about 10 days.

Well, I am off. It is free Sunday!! You see, I eat really healthy Monday thru Saturday, then absolutely pig out on Sunday.... So, I am off to find something fattening to devour...

Name new painting CONTEST

Hi!!

I have posted a pic of my newest painting both on my website and on Myspace. However, even tho I know what this painting means, I seem unable to come up with a name for it. So here's the deal!

You name this painting!! Post your painting titles on myspace under the painting, in My Art Album, and next Thursday (yes Thanksgiving), I will announce the winner and notify them via Myspace. What do you win? Well, I thought you would never ask!!

Besides naming the painting, you will win a print of your choice off of the website. You can choose any print up to a 10 x 15.

So get busy, put your thinking cap on, name this painting, and win a print.

Myspace address is www.myspace.com/blackorchid1905
Website address is www.dzaet.com

Thankyou all so very much for the help. And have fun!!!

giggles,

dzaet

Lazy Journal keeper

Well, I have proven to myself that I am a lousy journal keeper. Is that a real phrase? Journal keeper? Or would that be journalist? Whatever, I am no good at it!!

So much has happened since I opened up this website. I have done several shows, and my work is now in the new ArtWhino gallery in DC..... Alexandria, to be exact. It has been a whirlwind of events, and frankly, I have not quite kept up with everything. I am still in the disbelieving stage.

My art is moving along. I havent really changed my subject matter much, I suppose I have a lot of emotional things that still need to be expressed. So, until I tire of it, I will continue along this path. I would like to delve into the surreal world a bit more. I use symbolism without thinking much anymore, it has just become part of how I paint.

I have found that my creativity lies in a delicate balance of business and shows. Marketing yourself is a tough job. It requires a lot of time, and unfortunately takes its toll on the amount of time left to paint. I dont like that part of this. I love doing shows, but a part of me longs to be back, just painting for the love of it!! Oh well. Someday, when I am famous, I will have someone to take care of this business for me, while I stay in the world of canvas and paint.

I am so fortunate to be a part of this art world.

Thankyou to everyone who drops in and takes a look around here. It dosent matter if you like my work, what matters is that it is here for you to either enjoy or not. It is here.