Pen and Ink

While at an art show this weekend, I became quite bored and restless... however the show was being held in an art supply shop. How much more wonderful could that have been? giggles... So I decided to play around with pen and ink. I havent done this since I was in the 7th grade art class...

I have been quite depressed recently, and no matter what I do it seems to work inself into my art. I did this, and honestly had a lot of fun. I call it Lost In Nothing, as that is how I feel sometimes. Being so lost within that you feel like even your own little "world" is fake.

Anyway, I have decided to play around with illustrations a bit more. When I cant paint, it is wonderful way to be creative, and express myself.

I hope you enjoy this little drawing.

"Bite Me..."

I have to giggle every time I see that title... not very lady like, but definitely how I feel. I am having difficulty with a significant other, and frankly it will probably set me out on a single path again. After 20 years, not the easiest thing in the world, but I will survive. Thing is, he thinks I am too weak and insecure to go through with it.... so, voila!! A new painting is born. "Bite Me" shows a bit too much of my pain, again that subconscious painting thing, but over all I love the message, and it is so cute!!

I hope he chokes on his bite!

PS. Tune in later, when I am past this stage and acting a bit more mature about the whole thing.

My new painting, and awakening

Well, this is my new painting. I call it "The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil - for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die"

Long title, for sure, but a necessary one I think. I began this painting, much like the last one... simply a painting that I thought would be fun and interesting. However, like the last one, it was finished the day after I found out something that may change my life forever.

You see, we all reassure ourselves that we want to know the truth, above all else. Oh, yes, the truth is the most important thing.... till one day we find a truth that disrupts our lives forever. Then we yearn for the old saying ... "Ignorance is bliss". Ah hah, there is no turning back though. So, I know the truth. It is uncomfortable, and I dont like it, but I know it nonetheless. It is causing me to make decisions that I am not ready to make, dont want to make, am sick over making. I dont even know how to make a decision like this one.

Oh well, enough of my drama on this subject. I hope you enjoy this painting... it has delivered quite an awakening to me, and always remember this: Be careful what you wish for!!

Growth of a Personal Nature

I have suffered from panic disorder all of my life. However, as I have gotten older, the panic attacks have all but subsided. I believe a part of that is because as I have grown, I have learned to trust myself more. I did this painting, and never really gave it much thought, until it was finished, and then I saw my story embedded in the painting. I was surprised, to say the least.

Subconcious painting. Now that is a new one on me!!

I have 2 large shows this weekend. I am a bit frazzled, but excited too! I look forward to the atmosphere. The people. The corny music they always play at these shows. The greasy food. I am excited.

I have a lot of ideas for new paintings. I only have one more show this year, and I am happy about having more time to paint!! Hopefully, I will get a lot done this winter, and be ready for a new spring and all that it brings.

Victorias Gift

This is Victorias gift to me. Let me tell you about Victoria. I met Victoria when she came over to look at art. I love it when it happens that way. You meet someone, and it just clicks, it just works. That is how it happened for us. It just worked. She is like a book. As you turn from chapter to chapter you learn more and more about who and why and where she is.

I had no idea that Victoria was so creative and talented. Yes, I knew that she was an avid art collector, and her taste was sublime!! (yes, I have been to her home, and wanted to bring all her art home with me!) I knew that Victoria understood art in a way that most people don't. But I never knew she was an artist herself.

This gift... Victorias Gift... is a culmination of several of my paintings. It shows the relationship between my mother and I. Her use of symbolism brings out the jealousy in me! She is so very very talented. I have never in my life had anyone ever do anything so meaningful and thoughtful for me as she has. I was awed and totally blown away when I opened the box and this gift was looking back at me. I cried. She became emotional. We hugged.

Victorias gift. Was it the beautiful artwork she made for me? Or was it Victoria? I think my gift from Victoria is Victoria.

Thankyou Victoria, for being who you are... and for being who you are with me.

I went on hiatus!

Wow, I have not painted in 6 weeks!! I have had company from England... the dude that runs this website... and neglected everything except having fun!! Everyone deserves that every now and then.

I was a bit leary to approach the easel again, so decided to paint something simple. This is the new painting... it is called "There is One in Every Crowd"... and aint it the truth!! I think we have all known "one", or even been "one". haha....

Anyway, I hope to be painting on a regular basis once again. I have tons of ideas floating around in my head, and I cant wait to see how they turn out...

Parisian Birdhouse... first and last

Parisian Birdhouse
Parisian Birdhouse Revisited

Well, there they are. I painted Parisian Birdhouse almost a year ago, and it has always been a popular painting. The original is sold, but the prints have continued to be requested. I thought it would be fun to try painting it again, but this time using oils, and changing the composition a bit. I can see where my painting has improved! haha.... However, I must admit, I still like the first painting better... and always will. Doing something the second time can be fun, but it is NEVER the same. Hope you enjoy the second rendition of a Parisian Birdhouse.

Makes it all worth while

I have written in the past about how difficult it can be to part with a painting. They are like children, and I have never sold a painting without experiencing a bit of regret and certainly sadness. There is always a huge dose of "I want it back" going on... haha

However, I sold The Second Sacrifice this past week. I must admit it was even more difficult that most, as the painting was only about a month old. It was a newborn... Can you imagine handing over your newborn for a check? Arg........ HOWEVER, I am so delighted with my paintings new mom. She is absolutely wonderful and has sent me a picture of my newborn hanging on her wall. She has gone above and beyond to give my baby a beautiful nursery and a wonderful home. This, my friends is what being an artist is all about. To know that you can bring joy into someones life. She is delighted and I, therefore, am ecstatic!!

Makes it all worthwhile.

The Sacrifice of Elizabeth the First

Well, I did it. I struggled with the detail in this painting, although to some, it may not be much detail at all... but for me, it was tuff. Especially in the oils. I look at it sometimes, and like it, and other times, I see nothing but all the mistakes. Oh well, the nature of the beast???

My next 2 paintings will be quite different. I want to do a painting of the Armenian genocide of 1915. I am a bit worried about that painting too, as it has landscape in it, and I am not confident at all when it comes to painting land. The other painting will be a normal for me. I want to call it Bird of Prey. It will be about a woman who devours men. Got the idea from a "friend" of mine, who has in insatiable appetite for mens attention!! Geeze, hope she dosent find this and read it... haha. Although, she will never think I could be talking about her....

Anyway, I have a show tomorrow nite, and a gallery opening this coming Sunday. I may knock out a small painting today to take to the show tomorrow nite. Something silly, and inexpensive. I am tired. The Queen Elizabeth took it out of me... haha

Hope to be posting the new paintings within the next few weeks...

The Queen

I saw the movie this past week, "Elizabeth" with Kate Blanchette. I was totally taken with the film, especially its scenery, and Ms. Blanchette was quite convincing. I was left feeling quite regal and with an immense desire to paint "the Queen".

The thing that impressed me the most about Elizabeth was her willingness to throw away her personal life, including the only love of her life, and to "marry" England. She cut off her hair, applied pasty white makeup so as to appear like stone, and announced to the court (who insisted that she marry) that she was married to England. I think she was stupid, but I am still impressed. This is why she was a queen, and I never will be.

I tried to forget about this painting, as it would be quite a challenge. I dont even know if I have the ability to do such a painting. I suppose if I get in over my head, that I could modify it somewhat. All I know is that I am compelled to do it. I will put my own twists in the painting, as afterall, I am the artist... lol.

I hope to have the painting in the gallery in the next two weeks. It will take a bit of time, with all the detail that will be in it. I hope that it is successful. I look forward to trying.

The Newest Painting

This painting is called The Key. It is a painting I did, depicting the relationship between my mother and I. The child in the painting is trapped in a dysfunctional relationship with this woman. She will remained trapped until she can find the key to this womans heart... which is quite impossible, as the key is kept far from the childs view and is guarded. The woman thinks her world to be quite lovely, and complete, and has created a lush environment around herself, however, in reality, she has created a dismal surrounding, full of hurt, anger, discouragement. It is a sad painting.

The Pain of Selling a Painting

I sit here this morning, it is overcast outside. Looks like rain. I have spent the early part of this day mourning over a sold painting. Silly, eh? I have had a "rush" of paintings selling over the past few weeks, and as elated as I am, I am also confused, scared, and yes, even missing a few of them.

I am confused as to why anyone in their right mind would even want to buy my work. It is mediocre at best. I am never satisfied with it. It never turns out to be the masterpiece I see in my mind. It always falls short of the beauty I envision. So, why would anyone want to own something that never reached its full potential? I am confused.

I am scared. Scared that I will never be able to replace the work. Now isnt that an odd fear? What if I never get an idea again? What if my so called "talent" somehow abandons me? Where is my muse? How could I ever replace all of these paintings? What will people expect next? The fear is paralizing. And I am in the midst of a fearful time.

I miss my paintings. Yes, I am a bit "touched", but I do. Most of my work is born from my life experiences. It is a neverending expression of childhood pain, adult rejection, abandonment, insecurity. When one of my paintings sell, a piece of me goes with them. I wonder, sometimes, if people realize this, or if they are merely buying a weird piece of art, to hang on their wall and ultimately forget about. It really dosent matter to anyone but me. This is one of the reasons why I share a kindred spirit with Frida Kahlo. Look at her life. Look at her pain. It is all there for everyone to see, when you look into the tear stained faces she so bravely put out there. I "met" Frida on a clearance table at Barnes and Noble about 9 months ago, and was instantly smitten. She shares my studio with me. I wonder if she ever missed any of her paintings? I wonder if she mourned after watching a piece of her life walk off under someones arm? I do. Call me odd, weird, crazy, whatever, but I do.

I find this one of my strongest assets, and possibly my biggest downfall. Vulnerability. I have been told my work is disturbing, odd, macabre, meaningful, beautiful, soul touching. Depends on who is looking at it. Despite its many colorful descriptions, it is mine. It is me. It is my life experience. And when I watch someone walk off with a painting of mine under their arm, or watch the postmaster as they stamp, insure, and ready a painting for shipping, a part of me mourns... and fears.... in a state of confusion.

Where did I go?

Well, I have once again discovered something I am not very good at.... keeping a blog! I want to try harder, but I am good at being realistic... haha.

I have been really busy since I last blogged. I have done several shows, been in more galleries, and won a couple of more ribbons. (That always sounds so braggardly) Truth is, I am really excited. I also have more shows coming this year, and will always post them on my Myspace.

I opened an etsy shop. I wonder if I should have, as it is just more to do, but for only being open a week, it is holding its own. I will always try to keep reasonably priced merchandise there for the discriminating buyer... heehee. You can also find prints there from time to time that are not available on the website. Which, reminds me, I want everyone to know, should a print be desired and it is not up for sale, contact me. I can always get one.

I have tons of ideas waiting to be born on canvas. I will be beginning a new painting tomorrow. It will be about my relationship with my mother. I hope to have it posted in about 10 days.

Well, I am off. It is free Sunday!! You see, I eat really healthy Monday thru Saturday, then absolutely pig out on Sunday.... So, I am off to find something fattening to devour...